


Uh.Talk Dirty to Me

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-30
Updated: 2006-05-30
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:31:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: Like R Kelly, Simon and Jayne are trapped in a closet. Porn ensues.





	Uh.Talk Dirty to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Um.slash and smut of no redeeming value other than it was a prezzie for a friend. Takes place fairly early the series, no specific time. And probably out of character as well.

  
Author's notes: Um.slash and smut of no redeeming value other than it was a prezzie for a friend. Takes place fairly early the series, no specific time. And probably out of character as well.   


* * *

Uh.Talk Dirty to Me

## Uh.Talk Dirty to Me

Uh...Talk Dirty To Me 

By Rispacooper 

"Tamade," but I don't think this is what Mal had in mind when he told us to lay low and wait." 

The moment Simons said the words--no, the moment before he had sucked in a great gasp of air in order to say the somewhat sarcastic words, learned from their charming captain or not--he had known they were a mistake. Not because he might have said them too loudly and alerted the many furious Alliance soldiers running around the corridors outside looking for them, though that of course should have been a consideration too. But because of the other man currently crouched in this storage closet with him. The man who, if he wanted, could snap Simon's neck between his very large hands with barely enough pause to crack his knuckles first. The man who, when it came right down to it, could overpower Simon too damn easily, just like the countless schoolyard bullies pinning him to the ground as a child, their weight and threat enough to keep him there beneath them until they'd gotten what they'd wanted. 

Though his eyes hadn't adjusted to the semi-darkness enough for him look around and prove his theory, already Simon could feel the heavy stare on the back of his neck that meant Jayne had heard his imprudent, if deserved, remark. 

None of which meant anything, really. Jayne was a creature of few words, and what words he did use were usually crude and generally grammatically incorrect. Simon would be lucky if a stare was all he got for his comment, but, then, if he were truly lucky, Jayne would remember the danger they were in and keep silent altogether while they caught their breath and considered a plan. Personally, Simon was for lying low and waiting for Mal as the captain had originally ordered, but the soldiers outside might not agree and there was River back on the ship to consider. 

He seriously doubted that Jayne would watch his back in a fight, even if the other man seemed to find it so damn fascinating now. Simon twitched and flicked an irritated glance over one shoulder, still not able to see much in the shadowed room, but needing to do something. His heart was racing, sweat from their quick chase making his shirt cling along his back and sides in odd places, and now that he'd had a few moments to breathe, he was starting get uncomfortable. 

Of course he didn't have a gun; what kind of doctor carried a gun? His own reasoning came back to bite him in the ass, as it usually did. But his hands were beginning to feel sort of light, and empty, and Simon shifted to rest on his knees, running his itching palms down his thighs. He could smell oil and powder, then more sweat, fresh sweat, and surprisingly clean. All from Jayne behind him, who was probably stroking his Vera and considering how best to kill Simon now without Mal and the others finding out. He could sense the weight of that look, knew it meant that the animal behind him was struggling to use his mental facilities. 

"Jayne?" His soft question got no answer, and after a long moment, Simon swallowed, his mouth dry and his stomach twisting. Remnants of adrenaline from the earlier run for their lives, he recognized, but shifted again, still on his knees but no longer with his back to Jayne. He put one hand to the floor to steady himself, surprised to find it so cold. But perhaps he was simply too warm. 

Light was creeping in from under the door, and from someplace above, granting him a view of some shelves and crates, unlabeled and uninteresting for now. There were about five feet of floor available to them, unless Simon leaned back against the door or Jayne sat back against the wall, and no other doors that he could see. All in all, Simon was rather proud of the way he had cased their hiding place and shot another look at Jayne to see if the other man had done the same. 

Jayne was crouched on the balls of his feet, the dull black length of his gun resting across his thighs as he stared straight ahead--as he stared straight at Simon with heavy-lidded eyes and his mouth open, and Simon felt his eyes fall immediately, blinking to see that he was now studying Jayne's gun. Which of course might make it seem as though he was staring at Jayne's crotch just behind the gun, which he wasn't, but he couldn't quite take his gaze away when Jayne tapped one thick finger, then two, on the butt of the gun, and sure enough, started to run the thumb of his other hand back and forth along the barrel. 

He could feel his face growing hot--a vasodilation of blood vessels also due to adrenaline and their perilous situation--and frowned, thinning his lips before turning his head to the side. 

"Jayne?" he asked again, vaguely startled at the force in his voice, but he heard Jayne moving, cloth rustling before the quiet thud of gun being set against the floor. He glanced quickly back and saw Jayne leaning on the gun now, his thigh muscles bunching as he twisted to mimic Simon's position. He snorted softly as he did; the sound reminding Simon once more of the man he was dealing with, before Jayne cocked his head to one side and continued staring. At least he'd closed his mouth to finally breathe through his nose, but the darkness gave Simon no clue as to what thoughts--if any--were running through Jayne's mind now. 

"What?" His voice rose sharply, amazing him again that he was challenging a man who named his guns and likely knew more ways to tear someone to pieces than Simon knew how to put them back together. His pulse was still pounding loud in his ears, not so loud he couldn't hear the footsteps outside, above and below them, and yet still he had snapped at Jayne, was still scowling at him in fact, and lifting his chin to back up his statement. 

Jayne's grunt was hardly reassuring. And then his mouth was open again, letting out a breath so hard that Simon shivered as it stirred his hair. 

"Never thought I'd hear somethin' like that comin' out of..." 

"Don't say it!" For no reason he could name, Simon was up off his knees and straining not to yell, holding out his hand in warning as Jayne only kept on talking, saying what he had said before. What Simon had not wanted to hear him say before, not needing to be in school to remember being mocked. 

"...Yer pretty mouth." Jayne finished in a low voice, reaching up and capturing Simon's hand with no effort at all. Simon was stuck as he as, about to fall if Jayne let go but unable to move otherwise. And gorram Jayne just sat there, with eyes that still weren't fully open, intent on Simon's face though they might be, his hand a fist trapping Simon in mid...whatever he had been about to do...reminding Simon that he was weaker as though Simon were not already aware of that. As if anyone could ever not be aware of how small they were, standing next to Jayne's bulk and heat. 

It was just like being back in school, even if his tormentors had never quite stared like this. And somehow Jayne turned him into a kid again, furiously shouting back words he and River weren't supposed to know. 

He opened his mouth and felt the heat suffuse his face when Jayne did the same, lips parting slightly to expel a close breath. 

His skin seemed to tighten, itching along his sides, down his legs where the sweat was drying, and that he was sweating at all was Jayne's fault for turning around to yell at him to shut his smart mouth before the soldiers heard him, which the soldiers had then of course heard, and which had left them with no choice but to leave their previous hiding place in search of a new one. 

He pulled at his hand and Jayne did not release it, tightening his grip instead, and Simon's stomach seemed to flip, a slick, nervous feeling edging into his bones. He should apologize and back away, try for peace for the moment, with danger at their door, and instead Simon shut his mouth and yanked on his hand again, hard. If he was flushed now it was at his own idiocy, his body suddenly shaking, worse than it ever had around Kaylee because he knew he could still speak, could feel things coming out of his mouth now that were really, universally stupid to say to someone like Jayne. 

"I can't help but notice that you seem pretty interested in my mouth, xiangbalao." He knew he smiled as he said it, a sly curve to his lips to dig into Jayne just a little deeper, his heart nearly stopping to hear himself. If Jayne only turned him in to the Alliance for this he would be fortunate. 

Fingers closed around his wrist to the point of pain, and Simon winced and dropped his head, gritting his teeth while waiting for the feel of bone on bone as his arm was crushed, wondering if he could somehow repair his own hand back on Serenity if Jayne did. Any moment now Jayne was going to growl at him that he "weren't some shee dao..." and push him away. Or hurt him. And strangely, Simon found himself frowning and looking back up as he considered both options, sighing at the throbbing flow of blood when Jayne simply uncurled his fingers and let go. 

"Reckon I ain't the only one, doc," Jayne answered just as Simon slapped a hand to the floor to keep himself from falling on his face, landing on his hands and knees and looking up resentfully through hair that had somehow fallen free of his careful combing and into his eyes. 

Whatever Jayne meant by that, he didn't know, and furthermore, he didn't care. And Simon nodded, glaring at Jayne all the harder when Jayne's lips crooked upward in a grin that no one in the whole `verse would have described as friendly. 

The gun, Vera or not, was crashing to the floor none too quietly between them, and then Simon was gasping at the feel of Jayne's thumb rasping along his bottom lip, dragging back and forth slowly, carefully, as though Jayne did have thoughts after all and was now entertaining several of them. 

Anger was curled low in his belly, but Simon couldn't seem to make himself move, all his energy spent fighting the urge to wet lips numb from Jayne's touch. That he was frowning didn't seem to matter, but maybe it didn't when he had not moved away, when he was letting Jayne pet his mouth as he might have pet his precious gun. Simon let out one breath and felt it warm and moist against Jayne's thumb, felt Jayne growl before he actually heard the sound, and not for anything but River would he have been able to close his mouth when he looked up. 

Simon had just enough to time to realize that Jayne's eyes were all the way open before Jayne was yanking him up by his shoulders and pulling Simon into a space that ought to have been his lap. He was kneeling between Jayne's legs before he could blink and somehow Jayne was sliding down to his knees at the same time, running large hands hurriedly up to Simon's face and then down over his back to his ass. 

He must have said something, made a sound though honestly he couldn't remember saying anything, because then Jayne was silencing him, his tongue thrusting its way into Simon's mouth and staying there, soft Jayne-grunts pushing against his lips, echoing down his spine. And he was sighing, leaving his mouth open for Jayne to take, discovering that Jayne's back was as hard under his hands as he might have imagined it would be. Jayne's T-shirt was clean, and smoother than he had expected, bunching easily as Simon clenched the fabric in his fists and let Jayne's teeth nip at his lips before Jayne's tongue was pushing past them once more. 

Under his fingertips was warm skin, Jayne's skin, and the strangeness of it made him abandon his hold on the T-shirt to explore the lines of shifting muscle, still slick with sweat from their run. 

"Yeah." Jayne was heat at his mouth, under his hands, against his chest, and Simon felt his eyes flutter closed, gasping at the wet noises Jayne made kissing him, the rough slide of Jayne's tongue in and out of his mouth. "Yeah," Jayne pulled away enough to say it again, and Simon could feel himself frowning, though hardly wishing for poetry as he pushed Jayne's shirt up past his shoulders, leaving Jayne to choke as he ran his hands along the solid wall of Jayne's chest. 

Jayne didn't protest, merely lifting his head enough to flash a grin before shoving their bodies together so hard he nearly knocked Simon to the floor. But it was Jayne's hands at his back that kept him from falling. And that was strange too, though Simon couldn't think why, not when Jayne was demonstrating just what a pretty mouth Jayne thought he had, not when so much of Jayne was his to discover, clavicle to sternum, down to the pelvic ilium, sharp at Jayne's hips. 

There was something stopping his hand from going further, smooth like leather, cold metal, and Simon blinked, pulling away and ducking his head to stare in dazed annoyance at Jayne's belt. 

"Hey." The disgruntled note in Jayne's voice really should have been pleasing, but Simon just yanked hard on a belt loop and shook his head, wondering breathlessly just how it was that he could perform surgery but couldn't quite remember how to unfasten a belt. 

"Qu tamade! Stupid..."Simon swore under his breath, and jerked in surprise when a hand he would once have described as a clumsy paw covered his and easily slid the belt free of the buckle. 

"Temper, doc..." If his cheeks could have been any redder, they would have been flaming at Jayne's amused comment, chuckled into his ear. As it was he shivered, going still and keeping his head down when he thought Jayne would do the same. 

What was he doing? They were in a damn closet with the Alliance somewhere outside, and he was rolling around on the floor with Jayne. 

Jayne, who was still whispering into his ear, running his thumb over the back of the hand Simon still had resting at Jayne's belt. His lips were hot, pressed to the shell of his ear, stubble scratching faintly at Simon's cheek, and he shuddered a sigh, felt Jayne's hand pass over his back. 

Well, perhaps not quite rolling on the floor. Not yet. And this was...this was perhaps the most crazy chun thing to be doing at this moment, and he could not begin to imagine Mal or Zoe's faces if they found them, and also could not remember the last time anyone had touched him like this, not since he had freed River at least, and Jayne was...Jayne was so rutting hard. 

His fingers were already moving at the strange thought, sliding past zippers and soft cloth, and he raised his head just in time for Jayne's mouth to drop to his neck. It nearly hurt, the rough growth of beard and the thick swipes of Jayne's tongue against under his ear, shoving aside his shirt to reach his shoulder as though he wanted to lick Simon raw. Simon was squirming at the thought, inching closer on his knees until the angle of his hand--still at Jayne's waist--was close to pain. 

"I t...take it I taste good, then." If he hadn't stuttered, it might have been sarcastic enough to stop Jayne. As it was the man hardly seemed to notice, just grunting against his throat and sliding his hand from Simon's back to his stomach, the touch burning even through the fabric. 

Jayne didn't seem to have the same problems with clothing that Simon had, yanking Simon's belt open and pulling his shirt free of his pants in the same second. And then his hand was free to slip under Simon's shirt, so large he thought Jayne could touch all of him at once, thickly calloused fingers tracing a path from Simon's ribs to his collar before settling with intent over one nipple. 

Simon gasped, scowling to find Jayne watching him with hooded eyes but unable to hide the arch of his back, his body pressing into Jayne's hand. 

"Hell yeah." Jayne barely moved lips to breathe the words, but he was lifting his hips, and Simon flexed his fingers at the sudden feel of hard, throbbing Jayne-cock against his palm, felt it twitch in response. 

"Oh." He sucked in a breath, felt the air only dizzy him further, his mind suddenly aware of what was nearly in his hand and the irritating smirk on Jayne's face. 

"That mouth of yours ain't got much to say now." 

"Gunkai," Simon shot back instantly, recalling the words from somewhere, and felt the slow growl in Jayne's chest as Jayne grabbed his shirt and tugged him forward, pushing them both back into the shelf behind Jayne. He yelped in surprise and then concern, but Jayne hardly seem to notice any pain as he splayed his hands across Simon's back, holding them together. And ai ya but he was flush against Jayne's bare chest, their hands trapped between them, and if he could feel Jayne's arousal then Jayne could feel his. 

He lifted his head, and somehow he was kissing Jayne, pushing his hand past Jayne's underwear and using his other to bring Jayne's head down to him. He had a moment's surprise that Jayne even wore underwear, and then he was grasping Jayne's cock, his fingers already moist with sweat. Jayne was making noises into his mouth, hungry, animal sounds, and Simon smiled, squeezing just a little to feel Jayne's bulk shivering against him, thrusting up into his hand for relief. 

Shirt forgotten, Jayne's hands slipped under his pants and grabbed his ass as though trying to pull him closer, and Simon had to put a hand to the shelf, holding on to keep them both from falling. 

Merciful Buddha, already he was spreading his legs and letting Jayne pull him up, moaning into Jayne's mouth when he could feel the pressure of his own cock now at the back of his hand, only their pants keeping him from full contact. 

He had to move his hand then, to free them, and Simon tore his mouth away from Jayne's to say something to that effect, swearing instead as Jayne sat back on his heels and yanked him onto his lap, keeping him there with a strong grip. Simon had time to get his other hand up on the shelf behind Jayne for security and then Jayne was thrusting up, so close Simon nearly screamed. 

"Made," Simon grunted breathlessly instead. Their clothes were still in the way, and every move Jayne made was torture, denim chafing the inside of his thighs. He needed more, now, and bent his head, cursing against Jayne's neck, tasting salt on his lips as he panted for air. "Cao ni zuxian shi ba dai if you don't fuck me now, Jayne," he swore, uncaring if Jayne thought it funny or not, but Jayne's muscles twisted instantly at the command, and Simon barely felt the sting of his pants being shoved forcefully down his knees. 

It wasn't enough, but Simon just wrapped his arms around Jayne's neck as he was lifted from the ground and his pants stripped from him. Jayne's pants seemed to have disappeared as well, and Simon spared a moment to pray that the Alliance did not choose this moment to remember their storage room. 

"Gorram boots," Jayne was muttering feverishly, somewhere close to his ear, and then his hands were closing around Simon's prick, stroking hard and fast, leaving Simon gasping. "C'mon, doc," Jane was begging earnestly as his spine twisted into a knot, his body nothing but Jayne squeezing the head of his cock, sliding thick fingers up and down, palms slick and hot. 

"Jay...Jayne," Simon managed to say, needing to ask a question, what Jayne thought he was doing, but his lips were suddenly new to speech, and then it didn't matter, darkness at the edge of his vision, his back arching as he spurted into Jayne's hand. 

He shuddered and fell against Jayne, his mind blank even his heart kept racing, resting his cheek against the hard contours of Jayne's chest while he tried to regain control of his breathing. He could feel Jayne shifting beneath him, felt Jayne's hands fall away from his tingling cock and then Jayne's beard rasp against the top of his ear. 

"Oh, no you don't," Jayne's voice was gruff, low as if he were trying not to be too rough or loud, and he moved his arms, taking himself in hand between them and stroking himself with the hand still full of Simon's semen. Coating his dick with quick, purposeful intent, and Simon licked dry lips. 

"Merciful Buddha," he murmured unsteadily, hearing the jump in Jayne's heart rate under his ear. But when Jayne grasped his hips to move him up he didn't protest, only shivering when Jayne paused to sweep his tongue across his lips. 

"Nuthin' else to say?" Jayne demanded, and Simon knew he should have frowned at that, something about the wording telling him something he needed to know for this, but he said nothing, tensing at the first push of Jayne's cock at his ass. 

This was monumentally stupid, Simon reminded himself, gasping silently at the size of Jayne, the smooth, glide of entry when he had expected discomfort, and then that hardly mattered either, because Jayne's hands were gripping at his hips and pulling him down, easing him down until he couldn't go any further, and Simon was twisting, surprising quiet little grunts from Jayne as he squirmed for a better position. 

And Jayne let him, pushing back up ever so slightly with every move Simon made, urging him on, and if Simon opened his eyes he would see Jayne watching him again, eyes half closed as he watched Simon, and Simon looked up, panting for air. 

"You want to see me ride your cock?" he said out loud as he had the realization, more than a little horrified at himself for the vulgarity, and saw the breath that hitched in Jayne's chest, felt the cock inside of him jump. His mind cleared enough at Jayne's little moan, and Simon felt himself smiling. A slow, irritating smile--more a smirk really--and one that only got larger when Jayne scowled distractedly back at him, his mouth hanging open. But he used the shelf to brace himself once more and pushed himself up, sliding back down at the grasping of Jayne's fingers. 

"Doc...Simon..." Jayne tried to speak, and Simon mercilessly twisted again, clenching his muscles just enough to feel Jayne's body react beneath him. "Made," Jayne groaned, his fingers no doubt leaving marks at Simon's sides he was holding him so hard, letting Simon push up and down, letting Simon fuck him, and Simon decided to say that too since Jayne liked to hear him talk like this, swearing just as Jayne lurched up to push further into him, and then he was moaning as well, a sharp bite of pleasure taking him as Jayne managed to hit his prostate. He wasn't hard again, not quite, but it didn't matter. Jayne was shaking and sweating, glaring at him as Simon pushed. 

"Gunkai," Simon repeated, shuddering as he slid back down and Jayne's cock twitched, his muscles tight between them, straining. But Jayne leaned in with every glide of Simon's body, his movements almost weak for all that he had not once lost his hold on Simon's hips. 

Again Simon found himself smiling, bending close, painfully close until his teeth closed around Jayne's earlobe. It wasn't nice, wasn't civilized at all to bite someone, and still Simon felt the soft flesh between his teeth, felt Jayne struggling for air beneath him until he bit down harder. 

"Oh God." And if he hadn't known a big bad mercenary was currently fucking him, Simon might have said that Jayne was close to crying. It would be cruel to laugh, but his breath was warm on Jayne's neck as he smiled, his laughter turning to gasps as Jayne moved once more, and, wa cao, hit his prostate once again. 

He tried to swear, and found he couldn't even manage his name as Jayne pushed him down hard onto his cock, stretching him. He grunted, blinking dazedly to hear that sound in his throat, but it didn't matter, not with Jayne thrusting in and out like some strange part of some machine of Kaylee's. As though he were a machine, Simon put his hand down between them, flat on Jayne's stomach. Jayne's body was trembling, and Simon grunted once more as Jayne pressed into him. 

"Tamade," he moaned against Jayne's throat, and nearly swallowed his tongue when Jayne's hands clenched at his sides to yank him down, pushing them both off the floor at the same time. And now Simon was shaking, arching back as he slid down, as Jayne pumped into him. He was close, suddenly so very close, one more thrust and... 

If there had been dark before, it was just light now as Jayne speared him, the sound Jayne groaning, wets bursts in and out of him, his body flexing around Jayne's cock as Jayne fell back, taking Simon with him. He let his mouth fall open as he panted, kept his head heavy on Jayne's shoulder, and waited for Jayne to push him off. He could hear his heartbeat's rapid stuttering, nowhere near a match to the uneven thunder of Jayne's pulse under his ear and thought perhaps that Jayne was too tired to do any pushing for the present. 

He should complain, Simon thought a few moments later. Since now he was not only naked, filthy, and on the floor, but getting cold. He was probably bruised as well, or at least red from the burn of Jayne's stubble and there was absolutely no way people weren't going to be able to tell what had gone on here. All of which was of course still dependent on the two of them getting out of here alive, something that was by no means guaranteed. 

Simon pulled in a deep breath and then let out a long, soft sigh when Jayne still hadn't even twitched underneath him. Or inside of him for that matter, and Simon felt his face at least grow hot. His ability to walk, much less run, was certainly a new factor to consider in any escape plans. 

Muscles rippled and bunched in Jayne's stomach, and Simon picked himself up quickly, pulling away and sitting back on his knees, searching the floor as he yanked up his pants. The fabric of his shirt had been stretched until it had almost ripped, and even though he couldn't remember how or when that had occurred, Simon still paused to glare up at Jayne, staring instead at Jayne's apparent unconcern with his nudity as he lay against the shelf. 

Jayne was frowning into the distance, staring at the wall with his head to one side, giving every appearance of calmly listening to Alliance activity outside. He darted out his tongue to lick his lips, almost distractedly, then stopped and licked again, lingeringly this time, his hand rubbing down one sweaty thigh. Simon stifled a gasp and Jayne's gaze switched to him before he could look away. 

"Well," Jayne coughed a few times and then swallowed. "That was weird." 

"Yes." Simon bit his tongue he answered so fast, glancing away and clearing his throat. He thought about the usual post-coital platitudes one was supposed to say, reassurances, compliments, promises, and then blinked and looked back up. "Vera's over here," he said instead, pushing the gun toward Jayne, a bit unnerved to see Jayne's grin as he picked her--it--up. "Look, Jayne..." 

"Don't have to fret, Doc, I ain't about to tell...anyone `bout this, alright? Let's just get outta here." His voice rough, Jayne bent his head to straighten his pants, then check over Vera, his thick fingers passing so lightly over the stock that Simon felt his mouth go dry. 

"Fine. Excellent." Simon heard himself saying, smoothing down his hair. He stood up as Jayne did the same and turned to face the door. He heard Jayne cock his weapon behind him as he put his hand on the handle, and took a deep breath, the threat of Jayne at his back. He cracked the door an inch and quickly shut it once more, squeezing his eyes closed briefly in disbelief at what must have been the whole Alliance prowling around outside. 

"Ai ya, hwai leh," Simon muttered, pressing his forehead to the door. There was silence behind him, heavy, and he inhaled through his nose, smelling Vera, of course, and sweat, the musky scent of their rutting, as Jayne doubtless would have described it. His whole body felt like it was burning, and he shot a look over his shoulder. 

Jayne was right behind him, a looming shadow watching him, and Simon shivered, knowing that when he looked up, Jayne would be staring back at him with hooded eyes, considering. 

"What, bo li?" Simon demanded, incredibly, ridiculously pleased when the slur made Jayne grin. 

**and then Jayne pins him to the door and growls into his neck as he fucks him senseless for the second time cuz they must be on space-Viagra, and as you may noticed, I didn't bother to end it. __

God I Hope These Are Correct--Translations chun--stupid  
qu tamade--fuck it!  
Ta ma de-Fuck me blind (not literally, I think, more of a general, oh holy shit, type of expression, but it works for Jayne however you translate it). Shee-diao-One Who Sucks Dick (again, I think, since this phrase I formed from two other rather interesting bits of vulgarity I found). bo li--glass, as in the opening of a glass. A symbolic anus. Slang for homosexual M?de--fuck! (exclamation)  
cao ni zuxian shi ba dai--fuck 18 generations of your ancestors gunai--fuck off  
xiangbalao--equiv. to redneck  
wa cao--holy fuck! (exclamation)  
Ai ya, hwai leh--Oh shit! Or, more colorfully...Shit on my head! 

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Title:   **Uh.Talk Dirty to Me**   
Author:   **Rispacooper**   [website]   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **NC-17**  |  ***slash***  |  **28k**  |  **05/30/06**   
Characters:  Jayne, Simon   
Pairings:  Jayne/Simon   
Summary:  Like R Kelly, Simon and Jayne are trapped in a closet. Porn ensues.   
Notes:  Um.slash and smut of no redeeming value other than it was a prezzie for a friend. Takes place fairly early the series, no specific time. And probably out of character as well.   
  



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